I can’t believe in just a couple of weeks I will make my 1st full year of working on my own. Time flies when you’re having fun right? Absolutely NOT. It has been hard. It has been a struggle. It has been nights of no sleep, days of no eating, days of too much caffeine, networking, networking, networking with no outcome. It has been lots of blood, sweat and tears. It has been even more of the same. It has been health scares and losing time due to family issues, setbacks, setup process failures, scraping the last of the savings, charging up debt to figure out how to pay later.
REGRET, tons of regret, so much regret. Wishing I could go back to the way things were, wishing I could call my old boss and beg for my position back, at one point even prayed for a time machine! It has been leaving the things I enjoy doing like weekend getaways, eating out at nice restaurants. It has been cutting back on spending, eating as if I was back in my college days, losing weight, gaining weight, missing workouts, trying to get back into working out.
What I learned is my biggest setback the entire time has been fear! Fear of change, of the unknown, of being uncomfortable, of scarcity, of not being successful, of failure. Is there still fear a year later….YES! Absolutely. The fear is real.
Feeling alone has definitely been a HUGE fear factor. For 15 years I always worked for someone else with co-workers, an office, etc. Being completely on my own and managing my own time I felt totally overwhelmed and LONELY. It was awful in the beginning, and now I am learning to embrace it.
Here’s how I’ve been dealing with fear:
Prayer – once I learned to put God first and give him all my problems, the fears seem much smaller.
Meditation – clearing my mind of all the clutter and the voices of fear and failure and focusing on a task or project has been life-changing.
Yoga – stretching and connecting with myself has been a big part of letting go of fear and letting in positive feelings.
Networking – Yes, I complained about networking but it has been the best thing I’ve done for myself. Because of my now close-knit network I have grown and been able to stay afloat, they also provide the support and encouragement needed to keep going even on days where everything seems like it’s falling apart.
Family & Friends – being open about my issues and fears and getting the emotional support I need from family and friends to keep going even when I feel like I’m beyond done.
Eventually, I would like to rent an office space or invest in a co-working space. I just love people and being social, I don’t think that will ever change. So now a co-working office space is my 2 – 3 year goal. I picture light grey walls with white trim and lots of beautiful pictures hanging, orchid plants and fuzzy white chairs. Yoga classes 3 x per week at the end of the day and once a month massages. (Hopefully year 4 – 5 though praying for sooner!)
So, year 1 has been quite a roller coaster ride and there are days where it still is. Instead of wallowing, or letting fear take control I am now realizing that all setbacks are temporary. As long as you keep fighting, put God 1st, do what you need to do to make it happen everything will fall into place.